Where Did I Go?

My body’s health package  seems to be unraveling under the influence of pain relievers.  I have been pried, and fried.  Every body part has been used for one test or, another.  I’ve had proper pictures taken, and everything scoped out.

I thought Neuropathy of the feet was difficult to endure but, perhaps that was only a prelude.  A prelude of endurance.

Can I take what’s next?  You mean Neuropathy isn’t the be-all-end-all of pain, etc.?

Not hardly, and not hardly these past several weeks when I had a visit with my GP, and he was not too thrilled with my kidney performance on some blood screen.

My G.P.’s office personnel sent me on to a Kidney Specialist, then abruptly cancelled the appointment, and after more careful consideration of my prostate growth it was decided that I should develop a closer relationship with the Urologist.

Have you ever been to the Urologist?

Initial testing reveals urine retention.  Wait a minute!  I’m not keeping anything back.  Go ahead, take everything I have.  I won’t keep anything back.  Problem is, I’m willing to give you everything I’ve got for all the urinalysis necessary.  According to the pictures, I can’t seem to give enough.

No room for inhibitions at this point.  It was determined that I should have a catheter.

Oh no. Not that damn bag reserved just for seniors who have trouble peeing.  I can pee just fine!  What the hell?  I can pee!  I am a spry senior who can pee all by himself.

Okay, I’m waiting for the Doctor.  Time to put in or, on this gadgetry of science.  He comes in to talk, and he leaves.  The Nurse returns with a few gadgets.

Isn’t that great how Nurses set up for the Doctor?  So she looks at me with a a friendly matter-of-fact but, friendly grin as she routinely requests me to unbuckle my belt, and lower my pants.

What?  Wait a minute!  Isn’t that some sort of violation of personal protocol of something?  ‘Are you going to put that in?  The catheter?’  Isn’t this a violation beyond something of something or other?

Really?  She doesn’t have time to play games.  She’s not there for games.  The Nurse is a medical professional so, get any other train of stupid thought out of my mind, and let her do her job.

There was a lot of pain to be endured, and I won’t explain in detail how this thing is put in because, it doesn’t just go in, it keeps going.  I could swear there was enough to go out the other end.  I also provided some commentary along the way that might be unwelcome in most circles of conversation, especially in Pediatrics.

That really hurt!  She hurt me.  I felt like I should have made a guest appearance in Pediatrics.  It was like a kid getting a shot for the very first time.  It was like a kid with no threshold for pain getting a shot for the first time.  A long, extended shot.

Some of the side effects defy description unless you’ve been there, done that suffice it to say my back hurts, and the pain killer is a codeine derivative which causes fatigue, and can make you feel like you’re walking in circles as you sleep or, try to write a post on a blog.

To put things in perspective, my big left toe was feeling some pain, too.  The Quick Care Doc gave me some antibiotics.  Turns out the toe was infected.

So, at Quick Care, a Nurse asks me to lower my trousers.  For what?  Two shots of Morphine.  Come on, enough is enough but, who am I to argue.  Go ahead.  And of course some how shots of Morphine seem a little more painful upon contact than a regular shot.  At least to me, there is more than just a pinch.

I took it almost ‘like a man.’  1 tear or, maybe more.  I was good, though.  That’s a comparative statement.

The bathroom has become the ‘Meditation Room’ for me.  I’m not going to explain that but, there is a lot of waiting time spent in the bathroom.

This is all okay with me.  This is all something I get to go through to meet future challenges.  These scenarios are not negatives.  These are perfect examples of obtaining positive solutions to situations which if, not challenged, and taken care of could be negatives.  They’re negatives only if left to manifest as such.